The subject of this entry is kind of a big topic, and is rather hard to define (if not impossible). Quite an undertaking for my first entry. These entries are meant as a place for people to share their thoughts on the topic as well as for my own healing.
(Comments Welcome)
While in Church yesterday and during the homily the priest told a story about when he was interviewed by a student at his school. The student asked, "What is the meaning of life?" The priest answered, "to Live (obviously) and to love". He then said that upon reflection later he would have changed his answer.
"The meaning of life is to live and to learn how to love."
He then explained how we are learning to how to love so that when in Heaven we will be in a state of pure love (and we will have learned how by our life on Earth). Then he went on to define "love"... (this is the main point of my entry) ... He gave an example of a definition of love as a quote from M. Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth". I really like this definition.
Unfortunately, this does lead me to a tender, wounded point in my life.
My first girlfriend broke up with me in June. A year and 4 months and 22 days, over. I could easily write a book on what happened between us; the ups, downs, confusion, and clarity. But to remain on topic, I will focus on the topic at hand. What is love?
She claimed to have "loved me". But with this new definition of love, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth", I have realized that she was not "in love" with me. I was the one who loved her. When it ended, I had convinced myself that I was "so close" to loving her, when in reality all that I did for her were acts of love. The way I planned my life, while together was to make sure that she would grow as a person. I extended myself so that I could nurture her spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth. Looking back at times when I needed her to nurture me for healing or growth, she was not there in the fullness that I needed. Sure, she may have physically been there when I would tell her that my Mom is in the hospital or that my dream of running on my college Cross Country Team had been crushed, but she was not there in the emotional and spiritual capacity that I needed to grow, heal, or cope with life's hardships.
Perhaps one of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that I trusted her and I thought she trusted me, but when things got too hard, she left, with no second thoughts. It was so easy for her (at least she gave off that feeling to me). Trust is one of those characteristics that is usually attributed to Love. I placed trust in her that she would be there for me. Not only when I needed her, but when I did not necessarily need her, when I showed the promise/capability of growth, to further cultivate my personality, conscience, morals/ethics, intellect, and emotions.
This next paragraph is not written out of malice, but out of raw emotion from a bruised and hurting person.
Our relationship was only a matter of convenience to her. When I became inconvenient her, I served no purpose anymore. I may not know yet what Love actually is, but I sure as hell know that she has a miniscule, elementary understanding of what Love is. In fact I fear that she might not ever know what it is. You cannot be so close-minded to the world around you. You can't expect a person to change to fit your needs 24/7. I accepted you as you are, returning the favor would have been nice. And for as quirky as you are, I find it strange that you are so quick to judge others. I like how your "About Me" on your Facebook is "If you like me then YAY, if not, then go away." What a ridiculous way to go around living! I hope she does not hurt anyone else like I was hurt. Also for the record, people you date do not typically like being manipulated. (I could go on, but the intent is to stay on topic).
To make this entry come full circle, I still have to live my life. Whether that is moving on to find someone else, or writing about how I feel on the internet, life goes on. Like the song by the band Dream Theater, I am just "Learning to Live", but also I am learning to Love.
(stay tuned for "What is Love, Part 2" and beyond)
(Comments Welcome)
While in Church yesterday and during the homily the priest told a story about when he was interviewed by a student at his school. The student asked, "What is the meaning of life?" The priest answered, "to Live (obviously) and to love". He then said that upon reflection later he would have changed his answer.
"The meaning of life is to live and to learn how to love."
He then explained how we are learning to how to love so that when in Heaven we will be in a state of pure love (and we will have learned how by our life on Earth). Then he went on to define "love"... (this is the main point of my entry) ... He gave an example of a definition of love as a quote from M. Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth". I really like this definition.
Unfortunately, this does lead me to a tender, wounded point in my life.
My first girlfriend broke up with me in June. A year and 4 months and 22 days, over. I could easily write a book on what happened between us; the ups, downs, confusion, and clarity. But to remain on topic, I will focus on the topic at hand. What is love?
She claimed to have "loved me". But with this new definition of love, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth", I have realized that she was not "in love" with me. I was the one who loved her. When it ended, I had convinced myself that I was "so close" to loving her, when in reality all that I did for her were acts of love. The way I planned my life, while together was to make sure that she would grow as a person. I extended myself so that I could nurture her spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth. Looking back at times when I needed her to nurture me for healing or growth, she was not there in the fullness that I needed. Sure, she may have physically been there when I would tell her that my Mom is in the hospital or that my dream of running on my college Cross Country Team had been crushed, but she was not there in the emotional and spiritual capacity that I needed to grow, heal, or cope with life's hardships.
Perhaps one of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that I trusted her and I thought she trusted me, but when things got too hard, she left, with no second thoughts. It was so easy for her (at least she gave off that feeling to me). Trust is one of those characteristics that is usually attributed to Love. I placed trust in her that she would be there for me. Not only when I needed her, but when I did not necessarily need her, when I showed the promise/capability of growth, to further cultivate my personality, conscience, morals/ethics, intellect, and emotions.
This next paragraph is not written out of malice, but out of raw emotion from a bruised and hurting person.
Our relationship was only a matter of convenience to her. When I became inconvenient her, I served no purpose anymore. I may not know yet what Love actually is, but I sure as hell know that she has a miniscule, elementary understanding of what Love is. In fact I fear that she might not ever know what it is. You cannot be so close-minded to the world around you. You can't expect a person to change to fit your needs 24/7. I accepted you as you are, returning the favor would have been nice. And for as quirky as you are, I find it strange that you are so quick to judge others. I like how your "About Me" on your Facebook is "If you like me then YAY, if not, then go away." What a ridiculous way to go around living! I hope she does not hurt anyone else like I was hurt. Also for the record, people you date do not typically like being manipulated. (I could go on, but the intent is to stay on topic).
To make this entry come full circle, I still have to live my life. Whether that is moving on to find someone else, or writing about how I feel on the internet, life goes on. Like the song by the band Dream Theater, I am just "Learning to Live", but also I am learning to Love.
(stay tuned for "What is Love, Part 2" and beyond)